every few years i post something about emery and say that i will post more. saying that life just got a hold of me would be not entirely true but then again it is while blaming a technological addiction to fb would be even easier.
with 2016 in its growing stages emery's 11th year is in full swing and i am really finding this to be the real tween years. its that point of where did my little guy go to that point of seeing that little man start to develop. it's strange because you become used to this idea of yourself being a somewhat constant within the growth curve, but with a kid the only constant is change and being prepared for the changes that are coming. the development of independence and that absolute terror of letting your kid grow. right now i am failing miserable at being a helicopter parent. how? might you ask. well emery has been learning the city bus route from home to school and vice versa except now emery doesnt come home after school, but rather walks to the YMCA to hangout with friends. In the times i have met him at the Y he's given me that kind of "dad right now your parenting is embarrassing me" look and in the single statement of "i'm good, you can go" HUH? What?! holy shit my kid just turned me into a needy parent with less than a breath. There is that side, but there is also this other side.

The other side is this: i get to pat myself on the back for being a parent of a child who is always polite, kind hearted and is laying claim to his independence at an early age. Carrie and I have done this incredible job with our own relationship with each other as parents and that really has worked out well in our relationship with emery, his relationship with us individually and collectively. despite our total tear down of the platonic family construct we have succeeded in being a family.

emery, since he first opened his eyes has had this innate sense of awareness. He is now able to take those moments of awareness and piecr them together in a sort of mental jigsaw puzzle just beginning to see the picture or pictures. Like walking back to his aunt's from the roseberry music festival and understanding that dad is not hop scotching, or swaying with the breeze, but dad's drunk and he's having fun. So, now as a parent i begin to ponder the next 11 years; because, in truth as a single parent there does need to come a time where you need to make choices for yourself so that your child can follow your example. wanting that example to be honest to who you are as an individual. wanting that choice to be healthy in heart head and spirit.

When i first became single parent and i was looking at myself as a total failure before i even got out of the gate i was given some advice by another single dad. he'd been at it a while. he said to me 'the one thing that you need to do is make sure youre consistent. you arent going to see your kid everyday but you need to make sure that the times that you see emery that they are consistent.' at the beginning i truly didnt believe him, not in the least, but i took his advice and he was right. have you met emery? thats all you need.

the point of all of this, and going on record not just for you the current reader, but later in life for emery, is that i am looking to move back to seattle in the next year. its the hardest thing i have ever had to contemplate, because its not guaranteed at this moment and there is a big risk involved. i am hopeful that it works out. there's a tentative job offer out there but more importantly, as i explained to a my good friend 39 over the phone the other night, its where i am happy and where emery would see his dad in an absolutely honest light. emery would get the chance to see his dad at me being the most honest person i am. the other point is that i dont want to look back, when i am literally empty nest and not have taken this risk. i dont expect anyone to understand and emery's greatest concern when we talked about this was that rag's stayed in boise. As a family we never cared what the picture looked like, and we never will, but we will continue to be the best parents to our child. (more to come on this blog and less on fb)